I'm under a self-proclaimed impression that I am funny. I like hockey, pizza, and penis jokes.


U know how in winter it gets so cold and u think u will never be hot again and in summer it gets so hot u think u will never be cold again I think that is how it is with ur feelings like when u r sad u think u will never be happy and when u r happy u think u will never be sad. But u will be hot again and u will be cold again and u will be sad again but most of all u will be happy again

(via snorlaxatives)


we’ve all got that weird pretty big secret that we don’t really hide but like we don’t flaunt it like “My brother died of cancer” or “I’m gay” or “I tried to kill myself last year” or anything really and when you find out somebody’s big plot twist you know you’re in this friendship for the long run

(via radical-illusion)


MY ANACONDA DONT, MY ANACONDA DONT, MY ANACONDA DONT WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT an nhl contract, no teeth and a stanley cup ring

(via youcankissmyrask)


i hate it when you’re walking along and you suddenly become really self-conscious about the way you are walking so you concentrate on walking normally and just end up like


(via crystallized-teardrops)

  • parents: honey, it's time for the sex talk
  • me: what do you wanna know


i like that the nhl is expanding, but why aren’t they putting more teams in canada? like canadians live, breathe, eat hockey, but america, for the most part, mainly cares about football, baseball, and basketball.

(via soupyfficial)


suzy - cousin ben - sam


Don’t fake an orgasm for a guy, let him know his dick game weak as hell

(via doorsopenatsevenpm)


third wheeling two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple

(via givingblowjobs)