I'm under a self-proclaimed impression that I am funny. I like hockey, pizza, and penis jokes.

sirbombalot:

Fill your heart with bees. If someone breaks your heart, then they have to deal with the bees.

(via greatwhiteprivilege)

lanetoran:

I believe the amount one can reinvent themselves should be limitless

tuukkasrask:

when your team is playing really shit

image

when people are obnoxious

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when your teacher gives you homework over the weekend

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when bae doesn’t text back

when the internet won’t connect

image

(via dropdeadsegsy)

bebebluevitamin:

If you think about it, the year 1991-1992 produced some very fine hockey players

(via dropdeadsegsy)

transhumanisticpanspermia:

i have limited sympathy for people who get told “no” after a public proposal because public proposals are pretty much emotionally abusive

like seriously

if you think it’s kinda cute, you can discuss it beforehand and then do a staged one later

but putting someone on the spot in front of a crowd of strangers (or worse, friends) and demanding they give you a yes or no answer to a complex question which will affect the rest of their life is

really not okay

(via cumfort)

du4ne:

me liking your selfie could either mean “that’s a nice picture friend” or “i want to bend you over a table” but you’ll never know

(via crystallized-teardrops)

"

THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE



I am trying to see things in perspective.
My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter
chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot
have this, because chocolate makes dogs
very sick. My dog does not understand this.
She pouts and wraps herself around my leg
like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me
to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in,
she eventually gives up and lays in the corner,
under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the
universe has my best interest in mind like I have
my dogs. When I want something with my whole
being, and the universe withholds it from me,
I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl.
She thinks this is what she wants, but she
does not understand how it will hurt.

"

THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via halluzinogen)

(Source: blythebrooklyn, via beyoncevevo)


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I was made in the land of moose and born in the land of the eagle.